Well, depending on where you go to school, it’s about that time again! The week to frantically study all the random little nuances that you missed during the semester, but were too lazy to actually remember to go back and study. Here they are, the “15 Phrases You’ll Here During Finals Week, and What They Really Mean.” And to be fair, there’s a whole lot more of less-than-delicate phrases that people around here say as well, but no one really mentions those in the educated online community. Go figure. Or rather, go study.
Okay so, the Internet. Share ideas, hopes, aspirations, dreams and your really, really deep and meaningful poetry. Or not. Some things are better left unsaid, or, failing that, said privately where the embarrassment will be minimal. Modern poetry is especially terrible, failing in any formatting style whatsoever and instead equating “free verse” with insurmountable creativity. If it’s painful for you to read, don’t publish it for the world to see. If you would never give it to anyone, don’t publish it. If your dog cringes and runs away from you each time you open your mouth to soliloquize…well, you get the point. And so with that, folks, here is some of the worst poetry on the Internet, aggregated from people who didn’t heed that tiny voice inside their head telling them not to post/publish/lay naked and bare their terrible attempts for the world to mock. Which is what you are about to do.
Why is it always the random little shops that have funny signs? Are people so scared of breaking out of the culturally-imposed molds that they refuse to take a chance at humor? The same with funny T-shirts; people need to rediscover their inner child.
So this filthy rich Australian billionaire guy, Clive Palmer’s his name, says he has commissioned some Chinese company to construct the Titanic II, with exactly the same dimensions as the original but with modern technology. This is such a cool way to screw with fate!!! It’s the equivalent to naming your kid Lucifer or Jezebel and hoping they turn into decent, kind-hearted people. NOT saying they wouldn’t, but some things are just asking for trouble. Like testing fate, yet again, by creating the “unsinkable” ship. (BTW–don’t people ever learn?!?! The tower of Babel fared little better–they tried reaching heaven and…ya, didn’t work out so well.) I don’t care if you believe in God, fate, or some unknown, nameless deity/higher power. There are some lines you should be afraid to cross. So who wants to take a boat ride? Anyone?
For those of you out there who are as nerdy/bored as I am, a good quiz is always titillating. These grammar quizzes were actually kind of challenging while at the same time intellectually stimulating. (And, gasp, dare I say it? Fun. Yes, these quizzes are fun. Deal with it.) At any rate it will make your English professors happy. If you do it right. Games/quizzes can be fun and educational. I mean, that is the whole point behind the interactive let’s-teach-a-school-subject video games, is it not? Quizzes like these are just the sad grown-up versions of learning while killing time. Do try them.
In a follow-up to my last blog, I would like to take a minute to direct the casual Internet thrill-seeker to Uncle John’s Blog. In it one will find weird yet oddly fascinating current events and just plain randomness. If you need something to take the place of work during office hours (not that YOU would ever purposely skirt your duty as a wage-earning citizen), take a gander and be entertained. It beats Facebook for a change.
If your bathroom is not so blessed, then please, by all means treat it to a present, this one coming in the form of one of many large-yet-hilarious Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader books. Wisdom comes in all forms, and this is one of the best. You’ll never want to leave the comfort (or lack thereof) of your toilet seat ever again!